Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Randomize
