The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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