You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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