a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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