I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
