forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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