Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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