If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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