it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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