and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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