I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
