she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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