blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
