im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
