I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
