I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
