I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
