grandma shit on top of the toilet
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
