What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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