Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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