Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
