Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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