I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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