Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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