my mouth tastes like poor choices
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
