there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
