Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
