he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
