If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
