fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
