Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
