I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
