need another drink. this is the easiest way
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
