I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
