How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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