Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
