can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
