Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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