Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
whose parrot is this?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
