She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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