first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think my vagina is haunted
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
