Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
