did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
