at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
