evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
