Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am available for nakedness
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
