all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
