im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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