12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want a musical about memes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
