Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
