She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
